Is it that one does not often get what he wants the most, or is what he does not get become what he wants the most when he does not get it? Not sure....The mind plays strange games.
Both of those could happen....and u do get what you want many a times, but just are blind to it cause once we are about to get it our strange mind is in the search for some thing else. But yes i read this somewhere and kind of believe in it too, this is true, we all do get what we NEED.
I am not a philosopher, neither am I a real smart intellectual when it comes to things of the heart (read feelings). Like all men I find practical behavior rational. And as long as it convinces me and keeps me happy, I see no reason to rethink with the heart. No wonder, I don’t understand half the world (read women) most times and I do not have anything to tell to the other half (read men); because I am sure they know what I have to say.
Needless to say I was surprised when I could not get my mind off what someone real close to me remarked…. “Is it that one does not often get what he wants the most, or is what he does not get become what he wants the most when he does not get it? Not sure....The mind plays strange games.” The very first reaction was; a nice play of words. Typically feminine….worded around in a circle…..musical, sentimental and all things pink. A puzzle even if answered, would lead me nowhere. After all, we men are all lazy to even bother to think about anything except tomorrow. Why bother to waste time on a fruitless exercise.
I do not know what then set me into the mood of retorting to her words, part was out of giving the male side of the picture, part because I know my friend was sincerely in search of an answer. So I set myself an evening away from my chess games to thinking and what struck me was the ambition and the work that was going into my friend’s life. That something that was driving my friend Ms. G on, making her work towards her dreams. The second thing was that the answering would take an entire evening! It is not easy to answer a smart woman like her!
So let us start with the first part “Is it that one does not often get what he wants the most…” Well Ms. G, welcome to life!!! Who told you it will all be a bed of roses? Get a hang of life and get real!!! Life is working towards the goal, working towards our dreams (do not solicit them though). It is quite far from getting to the goal. Technically, it will depend on the goals. How realistic they are. Not all men can be rocket scientists. Not all women can be super achievers or super models. Getting what you want the most is a matter of plain and simple effort with the adequate mix of average intelligence and a ton of perseverance. Nothing is impossible for the determined. Act. Don’t stop. Review and reassess after every failure. Persevere. Dare to go on.
Now the second part, “….. or is what he does not get become what he wants the most when he does not get it?” We are always striving to get higher, working to climb to the next level. It is what nature expects out of every creation. This desire, to work ahead after one task to the next one, is what makes us so human. ‘Survival of the fittest’ they say. Those who climb the highest are whom our society calls the fittest. The prism of society is narrow. Society views us through the externalities of our success. Through the vision that cherishes success and ridicules failure. No one looks at the effort. No one rises to say, she tried to rise….. our vision is all set on those at the top, to be like them….. to rise in their footsteps.
The world just won’t permit failure, when we all know that success will follow a hundred failures. So when G does not get something after her effort, instead of admiring her effort, we push her into a corner…. encourage her to get to the top. We support her effort, yes, we must, but we tend to push G too far. So far away, that we stretch the lines that hold us to her, lines of communication, lines of support and lines of love. We unknowingly boost her ego to rise higher, not knowing that this very passion for the top takes us away from her. She may well rise to the top one day, may get all she wanted, but she will be lonely at the top.
What is the way out? It is definitely not in the choice to rise above adversity. For struggle we must. It is not even in inertia or inaction. No, that is not the way. Here I will go to the middle path, of detaching the effort from its outcome. Egg her on, push her towards all she wants, understand and praise her efforts, every one of them. Be her shoulder when she fails in her attempts and be her companion in her smile at the top. Life is not going to be fair all the time to us. It will always give us a choice to be the only one at the top of the world. The other path will be also to the top, albeit a little slow, but with the one we want. The question is then not of getting or not getting or what one actually wants. The right question is, what we are willing to forgo for what we want. It is this choice that we face and so does G. It is the choice that we MUST face. It is going be this choice that will make us lonely or make us happy. G will always get what she wants. It is inevitable. It is how soon and what cost she is prepared to bear for it.
For when my lovely friend asks her question, she forgets that “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” She still has to realize the tragedy of the latter. And THIS is life. Cheers! An evening well spent!
Both of those could happen....and u do get what you want many a times, but just are blind to it cause once we are about to get it our strange mind is in the search for some thing else. But yes i read this somewhere and kind of believe in it too, this is true, we all do get what we NEED.
ReplyDeleteWonderful piece! You will hear more on this in my post in October for sure!
ReplyDeleteI am not a philosopher, neither am I a real smart intellectual when it comes to things of the heart (read feelings). Like all men I find practical behavior rational. And as long as it convinces me and keeps me happy, I see no reason to rethink with the heart. No wonder, I don’t understand half the world (read women) most times and I do not have anything to tell to the other half (read men); because I am sure they know what I have to say.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say I was surprised when I could not get my mind off what someone real close to me remarked…. “Is it that one does not often get what he wants the most, or is what he does not get become what he wants the most when he does not get it? Not sure....The mind plays strange games.” The very first reaction was; a nice play of words. Typically feminine….worded around in a circle…..musical, sentimental and all things pink. A puzzle even if answered, would lead me nowhere. After all, we men are all lazy to even bother to think about anything except tomorrow. Why bother to waste time on a fruitless exercise.
I do not know what then set me into the mood of retorting to her words, part was out of giving the male side of the picture, part because I know my friend was sincerely in search of an answer. So I set myself an evening away from my chess games to thinking and what struck me was the ambition and the work that was going into my friend’s life. That something that was driving my friend Ms. G on, making her work towards her dreams. The second thing was that the answering would take an entire evening! It is not easy to answer a smart woman like her!
So let us start with the first part “Is it that one does not often get what he wants the most…” Well Ms. G, welcome to life!!! Who told you it will all be a bed of roses? Get a hang of life and get real!!! Life is working towards the goal, working towards our dreams (do not solicit them though). It is quite far from getting to the goal. Technically, it will depend on the goals. How realistic they are. Not all men can be rocket scientists. Not all women can be super achievers or super models. Getting what you want the most is a matter of plain and simple effort with the adequate mix of average intelligence and a ton of perseverance. Nothing is impossible for the determined. Act. Don’t stop. Review and reassess after every failure. Persevere. Dare to go on.
Now the second part, “….. or is what he does not get become what he wants the most when he does not get it?” We are always striving to get higher, working to climb to the next level. It is what nature expects out of every creation. This desire, to work ahead after one task to the next one, is what makes us so human. ‘Survival of the fittest’ they say. Those who climb the highest are whom our society calls the fittest. The prism of society is narrow. Society views us through the externalities of our success. Through the vision that cherishes success and ridicules failure. No one looks at the effort. No one rises to say, she tried to rise….. our vision is all set on those at the top, to be like them….. to rise in their footsteps.
The world just won’t permit failure, when we all know that success will follow a hundred failures. So when G does not get something after her effort, instead of admiring her effort, we push her into a corner…. encourage her to get to the top. We support her effort, yes, we must, but we tend to push G too far. So far away, that we stretch the lines that hold us to her, lines of communication, lines of support and lines of love. We unknowingly boost her ego to rise higher, not knowing that this very passion for the top takes us away from her. She may well rise to the top one day, may get all she wanted, but she will be lonely at the top.
What is the way out? It is definitely not in the choice to rise above adversity. For struggle we must. It is not even in inertia or inaction. No, that is not the way. Here I will go to the middle path, of detaching the effort from its outcome. Egg her on, push her towards all she wants, understand and praise her efforts, every one of them. Be her shoulder when she fails in her attempts and be her companion in her smile at the top. Life is not going to be fair all the time to us. It will always give us a choice to be the only one at the top of the world. The other path will be also to the top, albeit a little slow, but with the one we want. The question is then not of getting or not getting or what one actually wants. The right question is, what we are willing to forgo for what we want. It is this choice that we face and so does G. It is the choice that we MUST face. It is going be this choice that will make us lonely or make us happy. G will always get what she wants. It is inevitable. It is how soon and what cost she is prepared to bear for it.
For when my lovely friend asks her question, she forgets that “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” She still has to realize the tragedy of the latter. And THIS is life. Cheers! An evening well spent!