Need a coffee….

Nature might just be the only one with a hundred percent success rate. It just never fails, and just never gives up. Does its job, dutifully as ever, year after year, decades after decades, eons after eons.

Waits for none, cares for none, it will do what it has to. Whether it’s the gentle rustle of the autumn leaves and the soothing melody of a flowing stream, or the wrath of the tsunami during the holiday season at a tourist destination. There can be no distractions and any attempts will be cruelly done away with (look at the slap on the face of humankind in the form of global warming, for having taken nature’s abundance for granted).

While unashamedly determined, nature is also compassionate and giving. I guess that’s the reason they call it the ‘mother’.

As I sit by my window on this quiet and lazy afternoon, I see nature is in quite a similar mood too. There is a soft breeze blowing, the trees have gone completely bald, and are now covered in sparkling white powdery snow. Tiny trinkets of silvery ice land patiently joining the million others that are waiting. Rooftops have turned from gray to white and cars are unidentifiable. The land rests under a white blanket. The trees face the snow with character, even let it rest on them for awhile. Cars on the other hand always act weird and seem shaky in this season. They might be doing this as an excuse to take a break.

Speaking of which, I think I should take break from my rambling too. A hot cuppa coffee would be just the thing for the moment. Oops, no milk at home!

Meet my little friends

I have realized that the time I am most productive is when I am doing nothing. A situation with no to-dos at hand sparks my brain to think ‘out of the box’. I usually begin noticing details that hardly catch my attention when I am hurrying around to finish off some task.

I was waiting for my colleagues to wrap up their week’s work and arrive (as I needed to ride back home with them), so that we could all leave together. I would any day prefer waiting in the fresh outdoors rather than the air conditioned confines of the office, and I chose a nice shaded spot under a pleasant tree right outside my workplace building. My mind was preoccupied with a lot of the day’s incidents (mostly unpleasant), and frankly I was tired of thinking about them. So I zapped off and started to look around for something interesting to devote my attention to.

It’s funny how the best things in life are always free. I didn’t need to go for a movie show and spend my dollars to take my mind off things. I happened to notice a bunch of 50-60 ants, hurrying and scurrying around. There were two groups of ants, one going from east to west, and the other in the opposite direction. They moved like it was a matter of life or death. They walked, or rather ran, with zealous enthusiasm. The only thought on their minds would have been to reach their goal. I have no idea why they were running around in that fanatic manner. I didn’t see any food that they were carrying. So I couldn’t fathom what their goal really was. But surely they were soldiers on a mission.

Their paths were nicely set, and except for a few outcasts (who were just circling out of the standard path and really going nowhere), the rest of them traversed steadfastly on the path. It was amazing how each knew exactly where to go. I suddenly felt two little devilish horns pop up on my head, and I decided to break their rhythm. I picked up a tiny dried leaflet, and gently placed it in their path. I wanted to observe their behavior, and the results amused me.

For the initial few seconds or so, there was complete havoc. Confusion reigned as each ant behaved differently. At first they couldn't understand how their calculations went wrong. This leaf was not intended to be in their path, and they had not planned on what to do if it does! Their team work went for a toss, and most of the ants couldn't get through the leaflet, and started to retreat.

I did break the rhythm alright, but not for too long. Ants or no ants, these guys were not to be taken lightly! Giving up was not an item on their agenda. They soon got together again, and this time they split the path into sub-paths. One group started to climb over the leaf, walk through it, climb down again at the other end, and resume the rest of the path as usual. The other group found a very tiny space below a curvature of the leaflet, and with a little detour, they were able to make it from below the leaf onto the other side. This time they made two possible paths, which as per my understanding was for backup sakes. If one fails, they have the other to fall back on. Smart guys these ants! It took them hardly a minute to get back to doing what they wanted to: hurrying and scurrying around for God-knows-what.

Soon I saw my colleagues appearing with their tired and frustrated demeanor. I, on the other hand, felt fresh like a dewdrop! I wish I had a grain of sugar on me that I could leave my little ant friends as a token of appreciation.

To be, or not to be: that is the question

How do you deal with a situation when you know what you are about to do is the craziest, freakiest thing on earth, but you know you yearn to do it? Go all out and get crazy, or hold yourself back and act sensible? Dare to tread the untrodden, or take the much-walked path of certainty. Throw yourself into the unknown, or make the known your companion for life? Dare to risk, or dare to never risk? Follow your heart, or follow the herd?

The eternal dilemma of “What if the risk never pays off?” versus “If only I had risked what could have been!”

A quote I read somewhere: “When you have come to the edge of all light that you know, and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly”.

I know this is my only chance to live, and I choose to live every moment to the fullest. Being in unknown terrains will open up a world of opportunities, test my courage, resolve and bravery to my highest limits, take my imagination and creativity to levels I would have never known existed. It would force me to live to my highest possible potential, thus evolving a new ‘me’ that I do not know today. Would there be pain and disappointment? Sure there will! But find me a life without pain and disappointment and I promise I will give up this crazy dream. Till then, don’t wake me up!

An excerpt from William Shakespeare’s Hamlet:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?

Welcome to my life!

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life.

(Lyrics of the song 'Welcome to my life' - Simple Plan)

Here I Go 'Linkin-Parking' again...

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

For what I've done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done....

P.S. I Love You

Am just back from watching this movie. I really liked the movie. After a very long time a movie made me cry (thought I was over all that!). One quote that I liked a lot:-

"Alone or not, you've gotta walk ahead. Thing to remember is, if we are all alone, we are all together in that too."

Culmination Of A Full Circle

I was in breathing range of life and death within a short span of 24 hours. Overwhelmed by the power and mystique of both. Of how incomplete one is without the other…..

One evening I was part of a near fatal accident, and miraculously came out of it without a scratch. I lived to watch the birth of my friend’s child the very next evening, at almost the same hour.

Both the experiences were stunning and eye-opening. The exact opposites, yet each as powerful as the other, complementing the other.

Life is rendered so evanescent by destiny. We are helpless at the hands of fate, never know when it’s our time to go. Each moment we get to breathe makes all of life’s hassles worth it.

And the first time a new life opens eyes and takes its first breath, is nothing short of a miracle.

A beginning today is an end tomorrow. Today’s end is a new commencement tomorrow. And so completes a full circle.

An attempt

(Writing poetry has never been my area of forte, though I very much aspire it to be. But I do try my hand at it once in a while. This is one such amateur attempt. )

Sweet Stranger

Life...teasing, playful, full of surprise
At every bend it is difficult to surmise
What the new day will bring and who you will meet today
Someone you've just seen but feel you've known from far away

It throws at you treasures that you travelled the world to get
Simple sweet moments in disguise that you can never forget
In a hundred reasons to cry it will send you one to smile
In the form of a sweet stranger amongst this world of guile

So it is true after all, life never gives up on you
It gives you second chances, perhaps a third too
In all its twists and turns, don't you see a pattern?
There is always daylight after the dark, and you are not to give up!

- Sandhya

Apni marzi se kahaan apne safar ke hum hain
Rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai, udhar ke hum hain.

Pehle har cheez thi apni, magar ab lagta hai
Apne hi ghar mein kisi doosre ghar ke hum hain.

Waqt ke saath hai mittee ka safar sadiyon se
Kisko maloom, kahaan ke hain, kidhar ke hum hain.

Chalte rehte hain, ke chalna hai musaafir ka naseeb
Sochte rehte hain kis raah guzar ke hum hain.

Rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai, udhar ke hum hain.

(Penned by Nida Fazli, Jagjit Singh's voice)

Catch-22

Catch-22 is a term coined by Joseph Heller in his novel 'Catch-22', describing a paradox in a law, regulation or practice in which one is a victim regardless of the choice one makes (Source: Wikipedia).

Someone named me a ‘Catch-22’ recently. “Heck even your birthday falls on the twenty second!” he said. I dunno, mebbe apt…

Dreams

Ever experienced waking up in the midst of a beautiful dream? The sudden pang of being unceremoniously thrown into the reality….The very first reaction is, damn why did it have to end?? And then you try your best to fall back to sleep again, hoping that the mind would continue to dream just where it had left off. But reality mocks at you again, and you realize your mind is concentrating on everything but falling asleep. It leaves you frustrated and agitated. You painfully realize that it will not be possible to return to the dream again. By now your mind is fully awake, and you reflect back on the beautiful dream. Aaahhh, it was so lovely, you dearly wish it was the reality. But you know that can never be. Dreams are only transitory companions that give you the best times while they last, but leave you frustrated and wanting for more when they are gone. And then you think, I was much more content when I went to sleep, and I have woken up seeing the best that could ever be, but hungry for more, and discontent with the reality, which is in fact my only one constant companion.

So do I really want to go back to my dream? Maybe not…..

"I hate goodbyes..........."

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

(Numb - Linkin Park)

Hysteria

What’s all the fuss? There’s commotion everywhere I look, in whatever I hear, in whatever I feel. Everyone is just scurrying around…rats claiming their stake on the bread before it’s their own turn to be prey to the cats. There is no logic, no order, no sense.

I am confused. I try to look at the bigger picture. I try to find my answers in alternate sources. The ultimate creator was surely not in a good mood when he decided to create humans. Certainly not his best creation, are we?

But I find the same emptiness everywhere. The same signature lack of substance. I come back more disoriented than ever. Would the world ever make sense to me? Would I ever be able to communicate with it? I think I’m yelling but noone’s listening. I think I’m crying but noone’s looking. I think I’m bleeding but noone’s caring. I think I’m living but noone’s noticing.

Such shallowness, everyone’s just talking, it’s so crowded in here. Where is my peace? Who will give me my answers?

I need to find logic in this disorder. Need to find a world within myself. The answers lie within me. I am the power I need. I need to close my eyes, shut my ears and numb my senses to the rest of them, and find my peace within.

New Beginnings

End of a yet another year, start of a new one.

The entire humankind celebrated and welcomed 2008 into their lives unanimously on the morning of 1st January at 12 am. I was at Times Square at the time and the countdown to the new year began 20 seconds earlier. The thousands gathered there could not wait to usher in the new year with smiles and cheers.

I was one of them too. I chimed in with the rest of the crowd, counting down from 20 to 0, eagerly awaiting 12 am. I felt like this is the end of all troubles, and I am starting afresh a year of hope, smiles and joy.

Ironically, the minute of 2008’s 12.00 am felt just like 2007’s 11.59 pm. It still consisted of 60 seconds. The weather was just as cold as the last minute, and the wind blew just as strong on the streets of New York, chilling us all to our bones. So what really changed? Who did we fool? What did we really celebrate?

Why do we always look out for new starts, fresh beginnings and resetting the counter. Why are resolutions not made on the 29th August just as they are made on the 31st December? Why are we so eager to get rid of the very year that we had so enthusiastically welcomed just a year back?

This tendency is not just limited to start of a new year. We have similar tendencies towards our jobs, relationships, and almost everything else in our lives. We always want to start afresh, experience something new. Most of the times there really may be nothing new in what we welcome. However just the idea of ‘new’ is enough to retain our curiosity and enthusiasm.

I think it is our way of telling ourselves that there is still hope. That all is not over. There is still something in store. And being the optimists we are, we hope that whatever’s in store for us will be good. And if that does not turn out to be true, next year we will be as enthusiastic to throw away 2008, and direct our hopes towards 2009.

Well as long as the human race is churning in this wheel of hope and disappointment, atleast the one thing we can all be thankful for is that we are alive and will be able to experience the seasons and songs, tears and joy of a whole new year.

Happy New Year to everyone!

Hung Jury

Last evening I watched the Hindi movie 'Ek Ruka Hua Faisla'. The movie has 12 theatre actors playing members of a jury that have assembled in a room to arrive at a verdict to acquit or convict a young boy charged with his father's murder.

A pretty interesting plot, but how did this movie take birth in India? I thought. Indian law does not go by the jury system. A little research pointed that the movie is a replica of the English and original version called '12 Angry Men'. I am very inquisitive to watch the original version and will definitely do that as soon as I can.

Nevertheless, the Hindi version impressed me, and sent me on a thought trail. The plot is really manifold. There are a lot of important human traits hidden in this little story. Some of them caught my attention and amazed me at the fact that using such a simple setting the story-teller has been successful in actually portraying so many aspects.

The story starts with 12 jury members casting their vote to acquit or convict the charge. 11 of them vote to convict, whereas only one member votes for acquittal. The 11 unanimous jurors are absolutely certain that the boy being tried of murder is guilty. The 1 member that votes against it is not sure if the boy is guilty, and that's why he wants brainstorming to go through all pieces of the puzzle again, in order to determine for sure what his verdict should be.

He believes that dialogue about the facts will help reveal the truth. However, the dialogue mostly tends towards being personal on the jurors themselves, because of the lack of patience and the want to participate on the part of all but that one juror, and also because of the diversified attitudes and personalities of each of the jurors.

But with his patience and knack for the finer details, piece by piece he disproves all the claims of the remaining jurors on why they think the charge is guilty. He forces them to think again, and think from a different perspective, that they had completely missed out the first time. Here what struck me is the portrayal of how difficult and challenging it is to make a person change his mind! Most of us are so rigid about what we think that we refuse to consider another view only because we want to stand by what we think. We want to prove that we are right and are too stubborn to let go.

It was also shown that most of the 11 jurors gave a 'guilty' verdict based only on what looked from the outside as obvious, without taking the trouble of understanding the claims of the prosecution in depth. This reflects on our lazy attitude to take things as they come to us, and generally do what the rest of the majority is doing, because that is the more convenient path to take.

One by one, the 1 juror is successful in changing the minds of the rest. He makes them realize that their opinion is based not on facts, but rather on their own past experiences, biases and conveniences. Aren't all of our decisions taken in the same way? We forget what the facts say and do things out of habit, apprehensions/learning from past experiences, and most likely our prejudices based on our beliefs.

Lastly, what impressed me is the belief, confidence and patience of the 1 juror, who at the end is successful in instigating the rest of them to reconsider their decisions, look at the facts from another perspective, and finally reverse their votes, and end with a unanimous verdict of 'not guilty'. He believed in himself and did not 'follow the herd' and believe in what looked like the obvious from the outside without justly investigating the matter. Any amount of ridicule, blame and anger from the rest of the jurors did not deter him to waver from his belief. The patience with which he conducted himself spoke of complete professionalism and non-egocentricity. I wish we could also conduct ourselves so emotionlessly and practically, especially at our work places!

All in all, it was a movie that had a lot to tell through the 12 personalities and their interaction.

(A 'Hung Jury' is a jury that cannot agree upon a verdict after an extended period of deliberation and is deadlocked with irreconcilable differences of opinion.)