Just said hello to me...

Lately it's mostly been me who has needed some pacifying. Tears have been uncontrollable, and there are so many people trying to make me feel good, in their own little and unique way.

But the other day I stepped into the opposite shoes. It was me saying to someone else "Hey, it's all gonna be fine with time." Not that I have not done this kind of 'medicining' before, but this time it felt very different, even weird if you may say so. It felt different because I knew exactly how the other person felt, I could totally identify with his plight. And so I knew that saying anything, even harmless words like "It's going to be fine" were futile, and probably inappropriate too. I didn't want to preach because I hate it being done to me. It's the easiest thing to do when your outside the fence of disaster, just an onlooker of the show. Nothing was the right thing to be said, I understood, and what really mattered to the person in tears and agony, was the fact that he had someone next to him. That he was not alone.

In fact, I felt like a cheat when I said the words "It's going to be fine", because I knew I did not believe in those words myself. And I knew the receiver of those words knew it as well as me that nothing is fine, and nothing is going to be fine very soon. If only it was that easy! The only way to get out of the trauma was to go through the fire and burn with it, come out charred and be reborn.

Everyone has their share of terrible times, noone can escape that part of destiny. And I am sure everyone agrees that they get stronger post the experience, ready to challenge the rest of their lives by staring at it straight in the eye. The positive thing about such times is that you really see the truth for what it is, all the false visions are broken into pieces. You rediscover yourself as you are a different person with every phase of the problem, evolving all the time. You see your true well-wishers from the rest of them, and the discovery is at most times startling and moving. Relationships borne in these times are rock solid, they are there to stay.

Most importantly, you discover the survival instinct in you. You say hello to your naked, true and best form. When you feel there is no more hope, that nothing makes sense anymore, and living to see another day is unbearable, there comes a sound from within you that whispers into your soul "You will survive". As long as I hear that voice from within me, I know I am not over. I will survive.

अभी अभी ख़याल आया...

वो ग़ज़ल ही क्या, जिसमें दर्द ना हो....
वो दिल ही क्या, जिसमें हम ना हों...

- मनीषा

पिला दे...

पिला दे ओक से साकी, जो हमसे नफरत है....
प्याला ग़र नहीं देता ना सही....शराब तो दे!

दिखा के जुम्बिशें लब की तमाम कर हमको...
बोसा ना दे जो लब से...जवाब तो दे!

-- ग़ालिब

तुम नहीं

तुम नहीं घम नहीं शराब नहीं
ऐसी तनहाई का जवाब नहीं

Mirage

What is it that we are really looking for? What is it that our eyes constantly keep searching? That our heart deeply desires?

There is no doubt on the fact that each one of us is struggling to get something, or somewhere. Most of us do not even know what that is, or where we want to go. Some of us THINK that we know. But do we really?

We may have a lot, but we still want more, we want BETTER. Opportunities may come our way and go, love may strike like never before, our career may go places, but we are still not satisfied. We still want better. We let what we have now pass, because we are waiting for something better to come our way. We don't even know what better is, it may or may never come, but we will wait.

Aren't we all just running towards a goal that is nothing more than a mirage? Isn't it time to stop for a moment, and re-analyze what we are letting go of, in quest of something potentially wonderful, but also potentially imaginary? Better may or may not happen. Now is beautiful, because it is real.

Hairy situation

Ever noticed how most of the 'gulli' salons and parlours invariably have the picture of a film star adorning their door? I have been observing this ever since I was a kid. In those times, there was a single face that would be smiling back at you from the welcome sign : Amitabh Bacchan's. This makes me wonder (I will assume that most men go to a salon for nothing more than a haircut), was his hair style really that attractive, that salons would use him as their advertising model....Or was his fame the driving factor? I presume that when a man would enter some such salon for a haircut, he would expect that he comes out with hair like Mr. Bacchan's; that too at a price of rupees 10. Not a bad deal, is it?

Nowadays there are a much wider variety of faces adorning salons. People have evolved to demand more options. In fact, nobody wants a haircut like his neighbor's. Also the expectations are not just limited to having a 'filmi' haircut. People want model-like looks. Gone are the days when Rajesh Khanna and Amitabh were style icons. Today it's Ashmit Patel and Milind Soman's hair that rocks.

It's not a different story when it comes to women. Most of the 'women's only' salons have Aishwarya's face welcoming you in. Must say that Aishwarya pretty much is the sole contender in the womens' department. I have not seen many other faces here. Women enter a salon for better hair and better skin. When they enter, they hope for a miracle that will turn them into this beautiful princess by the time they walk out. Hence Aishwarya's face on most salons. After all, the concept of a beauty queen in itself is a fantasy world fairy tale, on which the sponsors encash and make millions. But we women are like that, we love fantasies and love to live in them.

A final observation, and one that always amuses me. There are some low-budget salons, those that cannot arrange to get a 'filmi' photo of a star printed on their welcome sign. Now you don't think they are going to settle for just a plain welcome baord saying 'Famus heircuts', with no star picture to accompany the bad spellings, do you? Certainly not!! They would lose critical business! So what do they do? They get the picture painted. And here is where the fun starts. Check out some of the paintings if you ever happen to see one...most of them turn out to be hilarious! Sometimes, because they can't paint the eyes right, they show the film star donning black shades :) I had once seen a a few paintings, that if the stars see themselves, they would cringe in their seat. They would then wish they were never famous :)

Songs

Songs... There's always one for every situation, every mood, every phase of life. And sometimes you relate to a particular song so well, it's as if the song was written and sung keeping you in mind.

Here's one that gives me that feeling:

Lemon Tree - Fool's Garden

I'm sitting here in the boring room
It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon
I'm wasting my time
I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I'm driving around in my car
I'm driving too fast
I'm driving too far
I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I wonder how I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree

I'm sitting here I miss the power
I'd like to go out taking a shower
But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired
Put myself into bed
Well, nothing ever happens and I wonder

Isolation is not good for me
Isolation I don't want to sit on the lemon-tree

I'm steppin' around in the desert of joy
Baby anyhow I'll get another toy
And everything will happen and you wonder

I wonder how I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
And I wonder, wonder

I wonder how I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see, and all that I can see, and all that I can see
Is just a yellow lemon-tree

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