Hi, Who's just joined?...

In the time of my experience in my career, I have observed the rather overusage of meetings. I would say that 98 percent of these meetings are non-productive 98 percent of the times.

Yet most people spend most of their day at work attending meetings. It seems to me like an addiction, a compulsion that people must perform in order to feel that they are 'working'. If a pin drops, a meeting would be called immediately to discuss its 'Causes and future action plans', in which they would discuss :

First, the day's weather

Second, yesterday's weather and how they had to deal with it

Third, how they had to skip lunch to attend another meeting that just ended

Fourth, why XYZ could not make it, as he had to go to pick his kid from school

Fifth, how yesterday was their teenagers prom night, and how difficult it is to deal with teenagers

Sixth, how its been such a long week, and thank God that the weekend is here, and how they plan to leave early this one Friday

Seventh, its going to be sunny this weekend!Yeah....!

Eighth, how unfortunate it is that the pin dropped from its usual place

Ninth, future plan is that another meeting should be scheduled on Monday to talk about how to deal with this rather unforeseen development

Tenth, exchange a thousand 'thank you's', and 'have a great weekend!'s'

Now, there may be a multitude of participants attending these meetings. I have had an opportunity to observe them on many occassions, and have had rather amusing observations. All of these attendants can be clubbed in a few typical categories.

The 'Who's just joined' types:

Somebody tells them (mostly their managers) that a pin has dropped, and a meeting needs to be scheduled with the whole world in the invite. Not sure what 'whole world' comprises of, he sends the invite to, well, the whole world. His job is to repeat 'Hi, who's just joined?' after every beep. Sometimes he commands some more attention by being a little more innovative " Hi, I heard a beep. So who's just joined? " Once the meeting is in swing, his job is over. He will then wait patiently to finally thank everyone just before another spate of beeps (this time the sign off beeps). Most people don't even wait for him to say thank you and wind up. They know there's going to be nothing new.

The drivers without a licence:

These will very bravely attempt to 'drive' the meeting, by blabbering a few lines at the start about the fact that a pin dropped. At the very moment that another person speaks, they will take the backseat. They will then conveniently not speak until absolutely required (that is, till someone calls out their name and asks a question). And if noone else volunteers to speak, they will keep repeating that a pin dropped, in ten different ways, and confuse everyone, till some impatient soul finally speaks up (not because he has something to say, but because he wants the driver with no licence, to shutup.)

The vultures:

These will silently log in, without announcing their identity. They will wait for their prey to speak, or rather, misspeak. Until then, they will remain silent, and the rest of them will not know they are there. Once the prey becomes complacent, and puts his foot in his mouth, they will pounce. They will then blame the poor soul for being responsible for the pin to drop. A deadly silence will then follow, mostly because of shock, with everyone thinking to themselves "Hope I did not say anything I shouldn't have, the vulture was watching his prey all along!" Needless to say, the vulture is usually a very important and powerful person in the organization.

The so-called managers:

"What do we need to understand clearly the reason for the pin to drop?"
"What do we need to do to make sure the pin does not drop again?"
"XYZ, could you take this up and go ahead and make sure the pin does not drop again?"
"Do we have everything we need to make sure the pin does not drop again?"
"XYZ, could you just schedule another meeting to discuss what we need to do to make sure the pin does not drop again?"

The Yaaawwn-mmmm types:

These got invited by mistake, they have no relation or contribution or knowledge about the pin, or the calamity of its dropping. They would rather just stay on, as they have nothing better to do anyways, or want to show their bosses that they are attending an 'important' meeting. They will announce their name when they join in, and say 'thank you' when they sign out. The time in between that, they will utilize for restful slumber.

The common man:

This guy will come prepared to the meeting with his notes, about the significance of the pin, how it dropped, what are the consequences, and how it can be avoided in future with a backup plan. He never gets a chance to speak.