Double Standards

Money is important to have a good life....Money cannot bring happiness.
Dare to dream....Dreams never come true, live in the real world.
Exceed expectations....Leave all expectations from life if you want to be happy.
Try your luck....Be a self-made man, luck doesn't take you anywhere.
Love life....Don't be scared of death.
You have one life, enjoy it to the fullest.....Practise discipline and constraint.
Join a gym, look better in 10 days....Beauty is not limited to physical appearance.
What is life without love?....Love is an illussion, what exists is only lust.
Go get it!....Weigh the odds, be practical.
God resides within each of us....You have to walk a long path of spirituality before you reach God.
Work hard....Work smart.
Fight for your rights....War destroys.

Where do I strike the balance? It's gonna take me my whole life just trying to figure out the right way to live!!

Recently I watched the movie 'Umrao Jaan' (the old one featuring Rekha). It's a sensitive and well made movie, and provokes an interest in the medieval times and traditions of Lucknow. The nawaabi lifestyles of prostitutes, music, dances and shaayaries. And somewhere between all the 'ayaashi', the essential human emotions of love, jealousy, loneliness and failure persisting at large....

As always, I picked up a few shaayaries from the movie that I liked :) Here they are:

****
Ab aap saamne hain to humein kuchh bhi naheen yaad
Varna kuchh aapse humein kehna zaroor tha...
****
Tu mujhe chaahe na chaahe, ye tere bas mein to hai
Aur mein tujhko na chahoon, ye mere bas mein naheen
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Kis kis tarah se mujhko na ruswa kiya gayaa
Gairon ka naam mere lahoo se likha gayaa
Kyon aaj uska zikr mujhe khush na kar sakaa
Kyon aaj uska naam mera dil dukha gayaa
****

To the mountains...

I recently visited a place called Matheran, a tiny hill station and tourist destination, close and almost equidistant from both Pune and Mumbai. The place keeps pulling me back for the peaceful atmosphere it offers.

Matheran is the tiniest hill station in India, at a height of about 2,625 feet above sea level. The climate is usually pleasant, a welcome break from the scorching heat of Pune. It has a population of about 6000 locals, where almost everyone knows everyone else. The name 'Matheran' means 'Forest on Top', and the name justifies the place. The soil is typically red, and the paths are shaded on both sides by trees, hiding beautiful valleys. Matheran was discovered during the British reign in India, by the then district collector of Thane, Hugh Malet. The British developed Matheran as a popular resort to beat the summer heat in the region. Signs of British architecture are evident from some of the older archaic resorts. The only forms of transport here are horses, hand-pulled rickshaws, or by foot. This ensures two things: one, that the place remains cool and devoid of pollution, and two, that you get ample exercise with all the walking. You will typically see a lot of monkeys here, and you had better take care if you are carrying any food on you!

I have been visiting this place regularly ever since I was a kid. As I said, the place keeps pulling me back. It's a perfect weekend getaway, especially for a person like me who loves the mountains.

There is a train that takes you through the mountaineous ghats up to your destination from Neral, or you could take a cab, which is much faster. As always, the journey is more fun than the destination. On the way I got off wherever my heart felt like, and got some good pictures of the valleys. Feasted on some delicious guavas, cucumbers, and lime juice, to beat the summer heat.

At Matheran I have seen almost all the 'points' already (a point is what they call a place where you can expect a breathtaking view, or simply a term for some location of significance). Yet I saw many new things, the place never stops to surprise me. Took some really good pictures, lost my way on occassions, discovering a whole new way in the process, walked a lot, and treated myself to some local dishes like 'kanda bhaji'. At one instance I saw a huuuge bat, lying dead hanging from two electric wires. It was probably electrocuted the night before. Although dead, its skin was still gleaming. I had never seen a bat so closely before.

This time I visited 'Monkey Point', which was graced by the presence of a singular monkey. It was a pleasant morning, and I stood at the brink of the steep slope that led to a deep valley. The wind was blowing in my face, and I saw a beautiful eagle gliding gracefully high in the sky. I flew with it, albeit without wings.

When it was time to return, I felt bad about getting back to the mundane monotony of daily life, but I was happy that I was returning with pleasant memories.

Tang aa chuke hain kashmakashe zindagi se hum
Thukra na dein jahaan ko kahin bekhudi se hum

Hum ghamzadaa hain, laayen kahaan se khushi ke geet
Denge vohi jo paayenge is zindagi se hum

Ubhrenge ek baar abhi dil ke valvale
Maana ki dab gaye hain ghame zindagi se hum

Lo aaj humne tod diya rishtaa-e-ummeed
Lo ab kabhi gila na karenge kisi se hum...

Gham is kadar badhe ke mein ghabraake pee gayaa
Is dil ki bebasi pe taras khaake pee gayaa

Thukra rahaa tha mujhko badi der se jahaan
Mein aaj sab jahaan ko thukraake pee gayaa..

Meherbaan hoke bula lo mujhe chaaho jis waqt
mein gayaa waqt nahin hoon ke phir aa bhi na sakoon

Zauf mein taanaa-e-aghyaar ka shikwaa kya hai?
baat kuchh sar to nahin ke uthaa bhi na sakoon

Zeher milta hi nahin mujhko sitamgar varna
kya kasam hai tere milne ki ke kha bhi na sakoon.

(zauf - weakness, tanaa - taunt, aghyaar - enemy,
shikwaa - complaint, sitamgar - oppressor)

- Ghalib

Love this song

Here's Tere Bin (Rabbi) with translations, what awesome words... how fortunate is the person who has experienced love like this...

tere bin / besides you
sanu sohnia / my love
koi hor nahio labhna / i shan't find another
jo dave / who'll give
ruh nu sakun / peace to my soul
chukke jo nakhra mera / and indulge me
ve main sare ghumm ke vekhia / i have gone and seen it all
amrika , roos, malaysia / america, russia, malaysia
kittey vi koi fark si / there wasn't any difference
har kise di koi shart si / they all had some condition
koi mangda mera si sama / some asked for my time
koi hunda surat te fida / some were fascinated with my face
koi mangda meri si vafa / some demanded my fidelity
na koi mangda merian bala / none wanted my demons
tere bin / besides you
hor na kise / no one else
mangni merian bala / wanted my demons
tere bin / besides you
hor na kise / no one else
karni dhup vich chhan / shall shade me in the sun
jiven rukia / (the) way you paused
si tun zara / slightly
nahion bhulna / i shan't forget
main sari umar / all my life
jiven akhia si akhan chura / you said, looking away
"rovenga sanu yad kar" / "you shall weep in my memory"
hasia si main hasa ajeeb / i laughed a strange laugh
(par) tu nahi si hasia / but you didn't
dil vich tera jo raaz si / you had a secret in your heart
mainu tu kyon ni dasia / why didn't you tell me
tere bin / besides you
sanu eh raz / none shall tell this
kise hor nahion dasna / secret to me
tere bin / besides you
peerh da ilaaj / what druid
kis vaid kolon labhna / has the cure to my ills
milia si ajj mainu / i found today
tera ik patra / a note of yours
likhia si jis 'te / on which you had scribbeled
tun shayr varey shah da / a varis shah couplet
park ke si osnu / upon reading which
hanjnu ik duliya / a teardrop fell
akhan 'ch band si / what was locked in the eye
seh raaz ajj khulia / was revealed today
ki tere bin / that other than you
eh mere hanjnu / these tears of mine
kise hor / won't be kissed by
nahio chumna / none else
ki tere bin / that other than you
eh mere hanjhu / these tears of mine
mitti vich rulnha / will wither in the dust

Back to doing what I love!

Some things you always enjoy doing. They never die in you.

Today I resumed playing my favorite sport: Squash. After a long gap of 1.5 years, it was a pleasure indescribable to pick up my racket again, and bash the ball with it.

We have two squash courts in our work campus. It was on my mind since many days to resume playing, and today I finally made the much required start. I couldn't even concentrate on the warm-up, because the lure of taking the racket in my hand and starting to play was so enticing. Old memories filled my mind...I started to think, so much has changed in such a short time. The last time I left this court, I was such a different person, circumstances were so different. Then I came back to the present, and started my game.

Unfortunately, the long absence from the sport has made me lose touch, and the first 10 minutes I played as if I had never held a racket in my hand before. But then I started getting into the grove again. The sound and feel of the ball hitting the center of my racket was so satisfying. I wanted to release all the negativity through the power I was using to hit the ball.

At the end of 25 minutes, I was panting for breath. I decided to not overstretch myself on the first day. My skin was read with the heat, and my limbs ached pleasantly. It was the same sweet satisfaction that I used to feel earlier after completing a day's playing. Then I realized, a lot of things may have changed in 1.5 years, but then there are always a few that never do.

Thank God for that :)

I like this quote

If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.

- Ray Bradbury

Have to do this...

i will never know myself until i do this on my own
cuz i will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
i will never be anything til i break away from me
i will break away. ill find myself today

मेरा घम...

Ye inaayatein ghazab kiin, ye balaa ki meherbaani
Meri khairiyat bhi poochein kisi aur ki zubaani

Mera gham rula chuka hai tujhe, bikhri zulf vaale
Ye ghataa bataa rahi hai, ke baras chuka hai paani

Meri bezabaan aankhon se gire hain chand katre
Vo samajh sake to aansoon, na samajh sake to paani

Beeti na beetai raina...

Yug aate hain, aur yug jaayen,
Chhoti chhoti yaadon ke pal nahin jaayen...

- Gulzar

Just a few seconds more...

The night was dark.
All she could hear was a deathly silence humming in her ears. All she could see was a black darkness stretched out till her eyes could reach. All she could feel was the cold wind chilling her till her bones. She smelt rotten carcass near her. She could tell someone was lying dead very close to her.
Her mind could not think clearly. She did not know what to do..Should she run? But where? Where would she go? All that lied ahead was an unnerving emptiness, a definite and mocking darkness. Should she shout for help? But who would listen to her cries for relief? There was no one around. But she had to try. Surely there must be someone, she hoped...Then she was struck by an agonizing realization...her voiced was betraying her. She could not shout, try as she may. It was as if someone was holding her by her throat, not letting her voice leave her. She felt like she was being strangled....she began to gasp for breath..she felt a brutal pain travel through every inch of her. "Was death better than this?", she began to think...Suddenly she smiled to herself through the pain. She waited for her time, she knew it was not very long now...she was about to be saved...just a few seconds more and...she would be dead...free.

I woke up with a sudden start, my face sweating with the tension of what I had just seen and felt. For some time I pondered over the bad dream. What could have sparked such a dream? Surely there must be some connection between what your mind sees while it's resting, with when it's not, I tried to reason.

And then it dawned upon me. This was not a dream. It was real, it was happening to me, even as I was trying to figure it all out. My mind sees this emptiness everyday while it's awake...It was me that I saw in the dream, trying to call for help, my voice not cooperating with my mind...It was the already dead part of my soul that had decayed and made up the carcass. I was gasping for breath all the time while I was awake...the pain seeping through my nerves...

Suddenly I smiled to myself...it was not very long now...I was about to be saved...about to be free.

Clueless...

What is the truth and what is a farce?
Who is real and who is in disguise?
Who can I trust and who can I not?
Who is mine and who is a stranger?
What is right and what is wrong?
Am I scared or am I bold?
Am I strong-willed or am I weak?
Am I rational or am I stupid?
Who am I? What am I? Why am I?
Who are you? What are you? Why are you?

Twenty-seven years of a clueless existence....still searching for my answers....not sure if another twenty-seven will be available and enough to find them.